According to recent Gamecocks and Penn State accounts of the overall experience at Auburn University and the University of Alabama, respectively, Alabama residents are as easy on the eyes as they are hospitable. Of course, anyone who lives in our fair state knows this and swears by it. Alabama guys and girls tend to be sunkissed with divinity sweet smiles and throw around molasses-thick accented "yes m'ams" and "no sirs" as if they were footballs in the SEC. Still, for as often as we get it right, some people in our region are certainly getting it wrong upstairs. I'm talking embarrass-your-mama bad haircuts.

I'll start with the most obvious of the Alabama 'dos don'ts: the mullet. As much as I wish this were just a Southern stereotype, I've seen it far too many times to know that it is out there and it is ugly. I fail to grasp how this Billy Ray Cyrus phenom has managed to perpetuate something like two decades beyond "Achy Breaky Heart." Men and women alike dare to wear this business-in-the-front-party-in-the-back atrocity. And the dreaded mullet knows no age. Sure, you'll see the good ol' boys sporting the hair-don't, but it's also fairly common to come across some emo-tastic tween donning this tragic late 80s trend. It doesn't matter who you are (ahem, Scarlett Johannson, I'm talking to you), the mullet is just plain wrong. After all, do you really want your hairstyle to share the same name as a tossed fish?

Next up, we have a collegiate favorite that fails. The extreme side part is a disease as rampant on college campuses as alcoholism and meningitis. Whether you recognize it or not, you've definitely seen it. Girls guilty of the extreme side part take their hair and draw a straight part as far over to one side of the skull as humanly possible. Then, the hair is usually straightened to rigidity. I'm not sure who started this hair faux pas, but it looks good on absolutely no one. Why? Two reasons: 1) because the hair appears incredibly lifeless and flat and 2) because every ounce of individuality is sucked out of a woman's style when she looks identical to every other female at school. Everyone has a natural part, but this feminine version of the comb over isn't it. If you are at a total loss for a flattering hairstyle idea, consider simply going for a blow out and then running a smoothing serum over strands. Bouncy, free flowing locks are much more attractive than the sheep herd hair alternative.

Finally, I come to what can only be described as the Bieber Fever. Yep, that's right, a 16-year-old boy with a girl's voice has touched the hearts and hair of people all over our neck of the woods. Southern boys have been doing the hair-in-the-eyes thing since back when I was in high school (don't ask when that was, but know it's been awhile). However, Justin Bieber somehow manages to add a helmet-head element to an already shaggy aesthetic. This hairstyle proves problematic because it is distracting to both the wearer and the observer. You see, while rocking a Bieber, the hair will most certainly fall in the wearer's eyes obscuring vision. Sometimes one's hands are not free to push the hair back. The end result is a strange pony-stomp motion that involves the whole body to toss the head back in order to produce a clear line of sight. Obviously, when a passerby witnesses this strange equine convulsion, he or she is likely to become extremely amused. The end result can range from confusion to fits of laughter. Let's face it, if you don't dare listen to the Biebs, you definitely shouldn't emulate his little kid coif.

Thinking that any of these looks are attractive is as delusional as believing that an overgrown Florida reject Cam Newton can take the Tigers to a National Championship. Sorry, y'all. Let's all do our part to keep the South looking good by refraining from these especially awful hairstyles.